Human beings are remarkably adaptable.  We just don't always like having to prove it.

Think back to the last time something significant changed in your life.  Perhaps you lost something you'd come to depend on, took on an unexpected responsibility, or found yourself dealing with circumstances you certainly wouldn't have chosen.

Sometimes change is welcome.  Sometimes it's decidedly not.

The COVID-19 pandemic gave most of us a dramatic demonstration of this.  Almost overnight, familiar routines disappeared, and we had to find new ways to live and work.

Kitchen tables became offices and classrooms.  Walking the dog became an important daily outing, rather than something squeezed in between other commitments.  Home baking took off, flour became strangely difficult to find, and sourdough starters acquired the sort of attention previously reserved for family pets.

And somehow, we adapted.

Not necessarily happily, and certainly not without difficulty.  But gradually, what initially seemed strange became familiar.

I remember noticing something curious as restrictions began to lift: an occasional flicker of reluctance about returning to the old normal.

The very routines I'd lived with quite happily for decades now felt like another change to negotiate!

It was a useful reminder of something important about human nature.

We can adapt to enormous changes, but that doesn't mean we find change comfortable.

Why flexibility becomes harder when we need it most

In my article, Resilience isn't about being tough, I explore why resilience is less about standing firm against everything life throws at us and more about our ability to recover, adapt and find a way forward.

And psychological flexibility is a crucial part of that.

But there's a catch.

When we face adversity, especially when we feel threatened or overwhelmed, our attention tends to narrow. Our minds focus more on the difficulty in front of us, sometimes at the expense of everything else.

Evolution has a good reason for this.  If you're being chased by a hungry lion, it's probably not the ideal moment to contemplate your long-term career aspirations.

Narrowing our attention can help us respond quickly to an immediate threat.

Unfortunately, the same tendency can be less helpful when the threat is a difficult relationship, uncertainty about the future, a health concern, or something else without a simple fight-or-flight solution.

We can find ourselves repeatedly going over the same thoughts, seeing fewer options, and becoming increasingly convinced that things can only be one way.

Ironically, just when we could benefit most from flexible thinking, our minds may become least inclined to offer it.

The good news is that we can encourage a little more openness. Not necessarily by solving the problem right away, but by creating enough mental space to see it from a different perspective.

Here are five approaches worth experimenting with.

Five ways to create a little more mental space

1. Move your body to help shift your mind

When you feel mentally stuck, try doing something physical.

Go for a walk, stretch, dance around the kitchen (ideally without alarming the neighbours), or find some other enjoyable way to move.

Physical activity can improve mood, reduce stress, and, in some circumstances, support clearer thinking.

It doesn't have to be a serious workout.  Even a short walk can provide a useful change of scene and a break from whatever has been occupying your thoughts.

You might find that a problem which seemed all-consuming before you went out feels just a little more manageable when you return.

The problem hasn't necessarily changed.  But your relationship with it might have.

2. Borrow some perspective from your future self

When something feels overwhelming, our minds can struggle to see beyond the immediate situation.

Try asking yourself:

How important might this be to me in a week?  A month?  A year?

The right timescale depends on the situation.  Some difficulties really are life-changing, and we shouldn't pretend otherwise.

But even with significant challenges, it can be helpful to imagine looking back from a point in the future.

What might you understand then that you can't quite see now?

What would your future self want you to remember?

Sometimes this helps us recognise that a difficulty is temporary.  Other times, it helps us see that, although the difficulty is real, we may have more choices about how to respond than we initially thought.

3. Treat yourself as you would someone you care about

Imagine a good friend came to you feeling exactly as you do now, facing the same difficulty.

What would you say to them?

Would you tell them they're making a complete mess of things, ought to know better, and should really have sorted themselves out by now?

Probably not.

Yet many of us are surprisingly comfortable speaking to ourselves in precisely that way.

Instead, we might offer a friend understanding, encouragement, reassurance, or a gentle suggestion about what to try next.

So, ask yourself two questions:

What advice would I give someone I care about?

Could I offer myself some of that same kindness?

This isn't about letting ourselves off the hook or pretending everything is fine. Self-compassion can help us acknowledge what's difficult without adding an unnecessary layer of self-criticism.

And that can make it easier to think constructively about what to do next.

4. Get the thoughts out of your head

Have you ever noticed how a worry can seem to grow larger the longer it stays inside your head?

We can go over the same thoughts repeatedly, occasionally adding a few new concerns for good measure.

Sometimes it helps simply to get those thoughts out.

Talking with a trusted friend who's willing to listen can make a real difference.  Not necessarily because they'll have the answers, but because putting our thoughts into words can help us make sense of them.

Alternatively, try writing.

Find some paper and a pen, set a timer for 15 minutes, and start writing whatever comes to mind.

Don't worry about spelling, grammar, whether it makes sense, or whether anyone else would find it interesting.  Nobody needs to read it.

If you draw a blank, write, "Oh, I’ve drawn a blank and don't know what to write next", and see what follows.  Just keep writing.

The idea isn't to produce something worth keeping; it's to give your thoughts somewhere to go, to get them out of your head.

You might discover something useful when you look back over what you've written.  Or you might decide the most satisfying next step is to feed it to the shredder.

Either is fine.

For some people, expressive writing helps organise thoughts and feelings, making them seem less overwhelming.

Research pioneered by Prof James Pennebaker suggests that this style of writing, focused specifically on stressful thoughts and feelings, repeated three or four times over a few days, can help some people make sense of difficult experiences and the thoughts and feelings surrounding them [1,2].  The benefits aren't universal, and it's quite normal to feel a little more emotional immediately afterwards.  But if you find the experience particularly distressing, there's certainly no need to push through!

5. Come back to what's happening right now

When we're caught up in worry, our minds are often somewhere other than the present.

We replay what happened yesterday, anticipate what might happen tomorrow, or try to solve a problem that doesn't yet have a solution.

One way to create a little mental space is to bring your attention back to something simple and immediate.

For example, as you walk, notice how your feet feel against the ground.

Can you sense the pressure shifting from heel to toe?  The movement of your legs?  The temperature of the air?

You're not trying to stop thinking.  Thoughts will come and go, as they always do.

Instead, you're gently shifting some of your attention away from the busy commentary in your head and towards what you're actually experiencing.

This is one of the principles of mindfulness.

It doesn't make your problems disappear, but it can help you notice that your thoughts about a situation are not necessarily the whole picture.

And sometimes, a little distance from those thoughts is exactly what we need.

Flexibility isn't about giving in

There's an important distinction here.

Being flexible doesn't mean accepting everything that happens, abandoning what matters to us, or constantly changing direction.

It means recognising that, even when we can't change our circumstances, we often have choices about how we respond.

Sometimes the most useful response is to stand firm.  Sometimes it's to try a different approach.  Sometimes it's to rest, ask for support, or simply allow ourselves time to adjust.

Flexibility gives us more choices.  And having more choices is an important part of resilience.

None of these five approaches is a magic solution, and what helps one person may not help another.  Different circumstances may call for different strategies.

So, experiment a little.  Notice what helps you find some space between what happens and how you respond.

After all, life has an irritating habit of changing the plan without consulting us first.

We might as well give ourselves the best chance of adapting.

References and further reading

1. James W. Pennebaker, Smyth JM. 2016 Opening Up by Writing It Down, Third Edition: How Expressive Writing Improves Health and Eases Emotional Pain. third. Guilford Press.

2. Lai J, Song H, Wang Y, Ren Y, Li S, Xiao F, Liao S, Xie T, Zhuang W. 2023 Efficacy of expressive writing versus positive writing in different populations: Systematic review and meta-analysis. Nurs Open 10, 5961–5974. (doi:10.1002/nop2.1897)